Motivation to Listen and Hear

The way you listen to others becomes the way they speak to you.  If you demonstrate how interested you are in what others say, others will say more to you. Ninety percent of all communication is non-verbal so your listening of others says more to them than anything you can say.

If others believe that you're not listening to them, they won't listen to you. It's called the Law of Reciprocation. Think of your most recent encounter with someone you believed wasn't listening to you. Think about your feelings of irritation and annoyance. Or if this person is an important part of your life, think about the anxiety or doubt that not being heard by this person caused you. 

Here's what I know about humans: if we feel we're not being heard by someone else, we see it as our fault. We question our ability to communicate effectively. We focus on what we did wrong even if nothing is wrong. We take the other person's lack of interest as an indictment on ourselves. 

And here's the real tragedy:  "Most people are not even aware of the pain they're causing others by their level of distraction. They're ignorant of the trauma they're causing by being absent even through they're present."  This is a quote from Mike Lipkin of Environics and motivational speaker. 


I was fortunate enough to hear Mike speak at a conference that I attended. While much of what motivational speakers say might be construed as Universal truths that we all know, sometimes it is valid to hear them again to emphasize the pertinence to the application that we are currently considering. This quotation spoke to me as an Audiologist dealing with people on an everyday basis. I know I need to be friendly I know I need to be personable but this quote said more to me. I could say that my natural personality allowed for this kind of connection to be made with my patients and that was a major reason for the successes that had come my way. The thing is that this approach was unintentional as opposed to being done purposefully or intentionally.

I have found that even listening is allowing for disclosure but also giving a little to get a little. Personal revelation goes a long way into allowing others the confidence to communicate their own personal difficulties. Listening intentionally is something we can do not just on a professional level but also would be wise to add to our everyday interactions.

Think though, of the hearing impaired individual, who tries to listen but is inefficient in doing so because of a hearing loss. If the person being communicated with is unaware of the impairment the effect can be negative. The hearing impaired person that doesn't know they have a hearing loss tries to accommodate or even fake their way through a conversation often leaving the other feeling that they were figuratively not heard when the fact is they were literally not heard. The implications of hearing impairment reach beyond the individual that is impaired to potentially effect all that they come in contact with.